Saturday, February 25, 2012

I wonder...

I read something on another blog, it was a comment from another reader regarding her (as yet) inability to get pregnant...she said it made her feel broken...and i'd never thought of it that way, but as soon as she said it, it hit home...that was the perfect way to put the feeling into words...

When the doctor told me that I may not and should not continue my pregnancy with my son, broken would have been the perfect description of how I felt...All the things that went downhill for me, healthwise, made me feel like I should have listened to the doctor then, like I was going to cause heartbreak for too many other people if my body couldn't handle what was happening to it...which of course only made me stress more lol...

But, it was too late to try to listen to the doctors...I loved Boog from the moment I knew about him - when i still called him "the baby" or "mini me" - i was afraid to even think of names at first, scared that something would happen...

And now, seeing other people posting pics from the hospital and talking about different things...I feel like I missed out on so much...I didn't get to really pick what Boog would come home from the hospital in - I'd been in the hospital for a fricking month and had to tell the Boy to bring an outfit...I got a few choices of onsies lol...to bring home a baby in November...

I didn't get to ask for the pics that the hospital does - I was in the cardiac unit for 2 days...I didn't get to see Boog for 2 days after he was born...I had the nurse from the nursery call me to tell me how he was doing, and pics from the Boy, for the little time he was able to come to the hospital...I didn't have a baby shower - I was in the hospital for the last month I was pregnant, and on bed rest before that...I wasn't able to have my family come visit at the hospital after Boog was born, it was the middle of flu/swine flu season...My sisters were only able to come visit me once the entire time I was there because we weren't allowed visitors under 18 because of flu season...I couldn't take Boog for pics with Santa for his first Christmas - I was in the hospital; arguing, begging, pleading for them to release me so I could at least spend the day with my Boog...And damn if I wasn't right back in the hospital the next day...


I worry that my medical issues will have a negative effect on Boog and the mother I will be to him...I wonder how my telling him that I can't run around with him like his dad does; I get tired and can't breathe very good if I do that for too long...I wonder if, like my mom suggested, he will wonder why he doesn't have a photo with Santa for his first Christmas...He has one for every year after that...






I wonder...always...

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Food: Corn Chicken Chowder

So I made corn chicken chowder the other night...or at least that's what I'm calling it...Boog called it yummy chicken and the next night it was yummy soup...


Ingredients:
~2 chicken breasts, boneless/skinless - cut into small pieces before cooking
~1 whole chopped onion
~2 cans Jolly Green Giant Southwestern Corn (http://www.groceries-express.com/images/20000%5C20000%5C45746%5C2000045746CF.GIF)
~and I used the celery that I'd had left over from another dinner, which wasn't much...I would add more next time honestly.


I cooked all of that in the crock pot in chicken broth for about 7-8 hours on low. Then I added some butter, about 3 teaspoons, and a pint of half and half and let cook for another hour on high...it was less thick than I was expecting, but it was perfect for us...

Boog seriously ate big (for him) bowls of it each night...that first night he didn't want to try it, which is normal for him, but once i forced that first bite, he ate by himself...with a mouthful he said it was yummy chicken...the next night he knew what it was and dug in...asking if i was eating yummy soup too...





Saturday, February 18, 2012

Food post: Chicken and dumplings

I have been getting TONS of free books from amazon recently. One of the ones I found was a simple crock pot cook book...it had a recipe for easy chicken and dumplings...i've been sick for a few days so having this cook all day yesterday for dinner was great...

Of course I didn't quite follow the recipe exactly but it was still good...

i used just over a cup of sliced mushrooms - and i cut them a bit smaller...
2 stalks of celery chopped - and i don't like celery but it could have even used more...
an entire chopped up onion...
2 cans of condensed cream of chicken soup - and a half a can of milk would have been good too...
i didn't have the carrots to add and i think that would have made it even better...
the recipe calls for three pounds of chicken but i have no idea the actual weight of what i used...
and a can of refridgerator biscuits...

Throw it all in the crock pot except the biscuits...it says to shred the chicken after 7 hours but i just cut mine into small pieces before i put it in...let it cook on low for 7 hours or so...i think mine ended up being just over 8...cut the biscuits into quarters depending on the size...i ended up cutting mine in half and then into thirds...throw the biscuits in for the last hour and turn up to high...

yuuummmmmy!

Monday, February 6, 2012

Tiger Stripes

So I wanted to write something in reference to a blog I just read - http://www.scarymommy.com/a-mothers-body/. I <3 a="" and="" can="" damn="" done="" emailed="" have="" haven="" href="http://www.rantsfrommommyland.com/" i="" m="" me="" now="" posts="" read="" site="" so="" still="" t="" that="" the="" them...and="" this="" to="" why="" with="" wondering="">http://www.rantsfrommommyland.com/
ladies...but I digress...


In Scary Mommy's post, she says that while she wouldn't trade the imperfections for the experiences she has gained, she doesn't care for the imperfections...


I disagree - each change in my body was because of something that was never supposed to happen for me. Each stretch mark, worsened medical condition, extra pound and all the pills I take now are a constant reminder of Boog...more so than that, the medical issues and pills are constant reminders that doctors can be wrong and sometimes you just have to do what you feel is right...


I think I may have a bit of inspiration for my next tattoo...hmmm...
and apparently this is the blog that started it - http://www.howtobeadad.com/2012/8410/you-are-mama-we-hear-you-roar.