More than life

The longer I try to play this role of mother, the more I am convinced that I have no clue what I'm doing...I can only hope that Boog knows I did the best I could and that I love him more than life...

And that I tried not to fuck him up too bad...

 

Virginia Beach, April 2013

 

Today...

I'm not sure how to start this, or if I even should...Today is (would have been?) my mom's birthday...She was born in 1959, the second youngest of five, the youngest of the two girls...

My mom was something else...there are so many ways I looked up to and tried to be like her...When I was pregnant and trying to do more than I really had any business doing, she yelled at me and told me to knock it off...she told me that I wasn't her, I had serious problems that I needed to listen to what the doctors were saying and stay my ass on bed rest...and she was right - I remember all the things she was still doing when she was pregnant, thinking there was no reason I shouldn't still be up and taking care of things...

I'm not sure if anyone really knows how much her death has effected me...I was the one who was probably the hardest on her for her drinking...I couldn't see how she could continue to let drinking tear her life apart and drive her kids away from her - and I still don't...But with her death, there's so much that has to remain unsaid, things that she and I will never do, things that she and Jarryl will never do together, he'll never know how much fun she could be, how spontaneous she was, how fun loving she used to be...

Damn I miss her, especially when she was like this...happy, fun loving and care free...

...

It's been almost a year and I'm not taking it very well...

He came!

The Easter Bunny came to our house yesterday - what about yours?

I was trying to figure out how to explain the Easter Bunny last week and all I could come up with is that he's like Santa.  But instead of bringing toys, he brings candy and chocolate...

And is my child the only one to ask what kind of car the Easter Bunny drives?  I decided that he drives a truck, to have room for all the chocolate and candy...

Sounded good to Boog...

Happy Easter

Today was a pretty good day. Boog stayed in his bed except for once when he needed his diaper off. He got up in the morning to tell me he had to pee ("well go pee then").

He found his Easter basket with jelly beans, chocolate and DVDs - which we had to play one immediately lol - and his giant bunny. He shared his "snackies" with Skippy, who was speechless for a second lol.

Lunch and ice cream at Friendly's with Skippy followed by playing and a nap. Dinner of Pop pop's roast beast and potatoes and soon to bath and bed!

Octodogs

I am not crafty or creative in the least bit. So when I can manage to pull something off that's even a little bit of either, I get kinda giddy lol. Tonight I knew I was going to have leftovers for dinner but wasn't sure what to do for Boog.

He hasn't had hotdogs recently, so I figured I'd try to make those octopus hotdogs. So freaking easy. And Boog thought they were pretty nifty. He had to pull the legs off of them to eat them though.

I figured out for next time I'm going to make green mac and cheese for seaweed and put the octodog on top with a side of goldfish crackers. I'm feeling slightly proud of myself here lol.

Movie Date

Date night with my Boogie! We're going to go watch Toy Story 3 at the high school. They're hosting a movie night to donate to charity. Dinner at Wendy's pre movie, and waiting for our friends to join us.