My mom was something else...there are so many ways I looked up to and tried to be like her...When I was pregnant and trying to do more than I really had any business doing, she yelled at me and told me to knock it off...she told me that I wasn't her, I had serious problems that I needed to listen to what the doctors were saying and stay my ass on bed rest...and she was right - I remember all the things she was still doing when she was pregnant, thinking there was no reason I shouldn't still be up and taking care of things...
I'm not sure if anyone really knows how much her death has effected me...I was the one who was probably the hardest on her for her drinking...I couldn't see how she could continue to let drinking tear her life apart and drive her kids away from her - and I still don't...But with her death, there's so much that has to remain unsaid, things that she and I will never do, things that she and Jarryl will never do together, he'll never know how much fun she could be, how spontaneous she was, how fun loving she used to be...
Damn I miss her, especially when she was like this...happy, fun loving and care free...
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