New year, new habits

I recently joined a gym - I'm hoping to start some new habits and get myself healthy.  It's certainly about time I got off my ass and did something to improve my health for my son.  I want to be able to play with him, to run around with him, hell, I just want to live long enough to see him grow up.

So I talked my sister in to going with me Sunday.  I did about 35 minutes on a stationary bike and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.  It's all in my head, but I totally felt better later in the day.  But I look at it like this, if I mentally psych myself into feeling better already, that will just encourage me to keep working at it.

For my birthday, my sister made me cupcakes, the yummiest, low calorie double chocolate cheesecake cupcakes ever.  She also gave me money to pay for a month of my gym membership.  My other sister bought me a few shirts and a pair of long shorts to work out in.  And my dad bought me the Fit Bit Flex!  It hasn't gotten here yet, but I'm pretty excited waiting for it.

This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done.  Guess I'll just have to be the little (big ass) engine that could lol.

Oh a Boogie funny - I gave him a baby corn last night at dinner and he liked it, so he got a few more...He tried to eat them like regular corn, it was the cutest thing.

When I told him I was going to the gym, he asked why and I said it was to get healthy.  My friend told him it was so I could get skinny.  So when he went to the child play area at the gym and I picked him up, he asked if I was skinny yet lol.

Square peg in a round hole

That's how I feel sometimes, like I don't belong. Like I shouldn't be here, like an intruder. Since you've been gone, I feel like the string holding me to everyone is gone too. I feel like "one of these things is not like the others."  I don't match in looks or behavior, or even in intelligence if truth be told. 

Memorial Day 2013

Photos from the day can be found at https://plus.google.com/u/0/photos/107910079269103863204/albums/5884200001718837665.  They are in no particular order.

This is one taken by someone else and I just love it.

More than life

The longer I try to play this role of mother, the more I am convinced that I have no clue what I'm doing...I can only hope that Boog knows I did the best I could and that I love him more than life...

And that I tried not to fuck him up too bad...

 

Virginia Beach, April 2013

 

Today...

I'm not sure how to start this, or if I even should...Today is (would have been?) my mom's birthday...She was born in 1959, the second youngest of five, the youngest of the two girls...

My mom was something else...there are so many ways I looked up to and tried to be like her...When I was pregnant and trying to do more than I really had any business doing, she yelled at me and told me to knock it off...she told me that I wasn't her, I had serious problems that I needed to listen to what the doctors were saying and stay my ass on bed rest...and she was right - I remember all the things she was still doing when she was pregnant, thinking there was no reason I shouldn't still be up and taking care of things...

I'm not sure if anyone really knows how much her death has effected me...I was the one who was probably the hardest on her for her drinking...I couldn't see how she could continue to let drinking tear her life apart and drive her kids away from her - and I still don't...But with her death, there's so much that has to remain unsaid, things that she and I will never do, things that she and Jarryl will never do together, he'll never know how much fun she could be, how spontaneous she was, how fun loving she used to be...

Damn I miss her, especially when she was like this...happy, fun loving and care free...

...

It's been almost a year and I'm not taking it very well...

He came!

The Easter Bunny came to our house yesterday - what about yours?

I was trying to figure out how to explain the Easter Bunny last week and all I could come up with is that he's like Santa.  But instead of bringing toys, he brings candy and chocolate...

And is my child the only one to ask what kind of car the Easter Bunny drives?  I decided that he drives a truck, to have room for all the chocolate and candy...

Sounded good to Boog...