Ping Pong balls

I feel like I have a ping pong game going on in my head…do I stay or do I go? Is the aggravation worth the good times? Do the good times outweigh the bad? Are you really going to change in the way I need you to? Are you going to change in the way our son needs you to change? Are you ever going to change at all? When are you going to realize that you need to do things you don’t want to do, for HIS well being? You don’t matter anymore, it’s all about him…

I feel torn between the past and the future…I wonder if there really is a future with you…I wonder if that future is really where I want to be in my life…is it really what I want for my son? Do I want my son to grow up thinking that its okay to make threats and intimidate people into getting his way? Do I want my son to grow up hating people that he doesn’t even know? Do I want my son to think it’s okay to treat people this way?

But I also want my son to know his father…I want him to know the person I once knew…I want him to believe what his father tells him…I don’t want him to live his life full of doubts about what daddy is going to do…Daddy said he was coming to see me today – will he really come?

I don’t want him to grow up with an alcoholic parent – been there, done that, I want better for him…

So. Here’s my notice to you, yet again…things need to change…things will change…for better or for worse, a change is coming…whether you will stay or go, that is your choice…whether you decide to make the changes YOU need to make is up to you…but I will be making changes for my son’s future…it is up to you if you will be in his future…